So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
