We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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