Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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