I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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