i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
