Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
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What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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