Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
