Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
