As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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