He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
