We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
