Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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