Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize