A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
