I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.