Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.