I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power