I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today