I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
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I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
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Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks