this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
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I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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