NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.