There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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