Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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