I would go down on you faster than GM stock
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
