forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize