i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize