She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
