Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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