i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
