they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I could fuck to npr.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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