May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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