3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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