Nicole vs. Life
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
