Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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