I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
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Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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