Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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