I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My vagina is officially offended.
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