he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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