We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
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Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
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Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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