i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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