Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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