screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
