She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
