You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
