You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
