First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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