I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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