I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just tell him i said nine months
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
