She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
