she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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