she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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