I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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