i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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