my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
