So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
