They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize