i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm really busy with my period
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