I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Is Oprah even human
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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