WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
