apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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