I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i wish my penis had a tongue
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
