Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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