would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
