shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
