apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
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I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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