Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
